PROBLEMS
I focus on a lot of political/ethical/social problems in my other graphic design work so I would like to focus on something more obscure and mundane, to maybe try and make it comedic.
I spoke to Tom Sims last night and he said he has been writing a list of every problem he encounters day to day, no matter how small. I though this was a good idea so I would join him. Obviously this makes the task 1st person focused but thats ok.
Waking up today, the first problem I encountered was waking up itself. I have been taking Fluoxetine since I was 15 (aka Prozac) and it has massive side effects on my sleep. For the past 8 years I have struggled massively with fatigue, vividly disturbing dreams, exhaustion and waking up. I understand that most people don't like to get out of bed in the morning but for me it is possibly the most difficult task I face each day, and this is even when I don't have depression symptoms/ low mood.
I sleep so deeply and heavily that the effort of waking myself up each day leaves me exhausted. I can't remember ever waking up feeling well rested. Alarm clocks barely work - I'll semi-consciously turn them off in my sleep and then fall back under. Friends/ housemates have offered to wake me up many times and it's now become a running joke that it's the hardest task in the world.
If left alone to sleep, I can easily sleep for 12 hours a night, if not more. I sleep and dream so deeply that I during the waking up process (which can take a few hours) I struggle to tell what is real and what is in my head - sometimes I dream that I have woken up and gotten out of bed, started to get ready only to find that was a dream and I'm still fast asleep.
My dreams often have reoccurring themes and storylines which can range from the absurd to the mundane to the extremely traumatic. (Rape, murder, violence, loved ones dying.)
In terms of how this affects my life, it does in every way. I can't make plans for any time before 2/3pm because I know I won't do them. If I have an engagement I absolutely can't miss, such as a job which starts at 9am or a doctors appointment, I can rip myself out of bed at the very last minute and usually make it just in time, although I have been late for work a million times too. But if it's something which I know will have no immediate bad consequences such as getting fired, I really struggle to wake up for it. You may have noticed that my attendance to online engagements for uni has been extremely low - this is why. I spend most days of my life feeling lethargic, sluggish, achey, exhausted... Meaning I can't always accomplish everything I want to in a day, or if I do have a day of doing a lot I need a few days after of resting to recuperate.
For years, I thought I was just lazy. In my head, I would tell myself you're a worthless lazy piece of shit and you'll never accomplish anything. Thoughts like this often reemerge when I'm having periods of being too tired to move whilst knowing I have tasks to accomplish. Sometimes when I'm lying on my bed unable to move I feel like I'm rotting.
As far as I'm aware, there is nothing medically wrong with me (that would cause fatigue) asides clinical depression, and I think this eternal tiredness comes both from that, when I am having an episode, and also as a side effect from the medication I take to combat it.
OTHER PROBLEMS
These are just a few of the things I worry about on a weekly basis
Microplastics are entering in the water cycle every time I wash my clothes
Kids are starving down the road while I eat my breakfast
My little sister thinks she wants to look like Kylie Jenner
A woman just screamed in pain from a backstreet coat-hanger abortion
Increasing climate disasters caused by climate change is leading to an increase of climate refugees who are being denied asylum as xenophobia strengthens in the countries most guilty for causing climate change in the first place
I hate the government
I can't adopt every animal currently in a shelter and that makes me sad
Getting mugged when I go out after dark in Hyde Park
I have chronic back pain
There is no way to ethically consume under our current system of capitalism however I have to EAT so I have no choice but to contribute to systems I morally disagree with
People still don't understand that sex workers can be raped
When you open the fridge and your housemates have packed their shelves badly and an open pot of cream falls out and splatters you and the floor
Is my rabbit happy???? Does he know I love him?????
I guess you could say I am an anxious person, I worry a lot, and I feel like I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. It's difficult to think about huge, global problems when I feel so small. When I feel overwhelmed, my fatigue often kicks in.... So I suppose if I address the problem of my tiredness, then being able to tackle other problems will follow on from that.
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